"Cumming is for pussies" - Tantra workshop with Alex Vartman - english version

Danish version below (tagged Tantra)

It wasn't without some skepticism that I yesterday took my wife by the arm and went to a Tantra Workshop in the local Filosofisk Center, led by the renowned and controversial tantra teacher Alex Vartman. I was skeptical, partly because there had developed some kind of hype around him, since he two days earlier had held a lecture in the same place. There seemed to be a kind of polularization in his name, perhaps also due to the fact that danish medias had linked him with famous sexologist Joan Ørting, with whom he recently had a tantric love affair. Besides, he represents the kind of tantra, where one is supposed to withhold ejaculation - and lately I've been more inspired by the methods practices in Tigerens Rede (the Tiger's Nest), which covers the entire spectrum and thus includes both the finer and the more primitive aspects of sexuality. Alex Vartman want's it differently, something I already understood by the slogan on his website: "Cumming is for pussies". Says it all, doesn't it!

Having sex with consciousness

What all tantra have in common is the that sexual energy is considered a spiritual life-force. This means that having sex is a spirituel practice, where you play and work with this divine energy in and through the body. You have sex with consciousness and bring the same presence, that is practiced in meditation, into the sexual sphere. A powerful combination one should expect. Sexuality is the principal exponent of the circulation of energy in the body - but it is not just in the sexual space, this is expressed. Whoever manages to use his or her sexuality in a tantric way will find that the energy spreads to all aspects of life and thus sexuality becomes a way of being alive. From being a small, isolated act, concentrated around the genitals, it is now a state that is filling your doing and being with pleasure and intimacy.

When energy is blocked

This energy we are all born with, and according to Vartman, it's the one that circulates unspoiled in the body of small children, vitalizing them. However, we do not learn to preserve this natural state, when socialized into the adult community. Pretense, all the masks that we are forced to wear, removes us from ourselves. The energy that we prohibit its natural expression, is stored instead in the body, in the form of small blockages. Pent-up anger, vulnerability, all the compromises - all the non-authentic. These blockages now prevent the life force to flow freely in the body and a lot of alternative treatment also deals with this situation, eg. acupuncture, acupressure, etc. What is special about tantra however, is explicitly to consider this energy as sexual. Therefore sexuality of course becomes a pivotal field of exercise, when dealing with releasing the energy and deliberating the kundalini.

Orgasm and the relation between genders

What is special about tantra is also, that the actual orgasm, paradoxically, is considered something that actually removes us from the flow of sexual vitality. Vartman suggests that we actually are emptying ourselves from sexuality and thereby are loosing some of the sexual tension that otherwise would contribute to the vital flow of life energy. Additionally, Vartman is powerful in his description of the relation between man and woman. He is of the opinion, that women has a more natural disposition to tantra, whereas the mans goal-orientation actually contradicts the spacious presence of tantra. This is also revealed by the mans tendency to chase ejaculation and orgasm, while the woman tends to surrender to the sensual, to the entire body and to communion. And surrendering is one of the key-words in tantra. To open up to energy, without wanting to determine it.

The hunt for pleasure

Unfortunately, since the man historically has had a dominant role towards woman, it is the male sexual principle that has determined the sexual life between himself and the woman. Besides all the abuses that woman have suffered - which itself casts a heavy shadow over the unfolding of the liberated sexuality of today - then the "normal" sexuality also has been determined by the mans premises. This has led to a vulnerability in woman, which has led to what Varman calls "an armouring of the vagina". Each time the man, in order to chase his own satisfaction, has penetrated the woman, before her natural arousal allowed her to be open and ready, she has closed her energy in the area, which then has resulted in a disfortunate numbness in the vagina. The woman then merely became a tool for the satisfaction of man. The woman on the other hand has agreed to this, because in exchange for her sexuality, she felt confirmed in her worth.

De-armouring the vagina

Conversely Vartman believes that tantric lovemaking provides a basis for a de-armouring of the vagina. By not chasing friction and trigger, but instead remaining open to the energy here and now, there occurs a natural inclination not to penetrate until the woman is fully open and trusting. When directing consciousness towards this meeting, without notoriously going into friction, the couple create a shared and mutual experience that can help healing the woman from the before-mentioned blocking. This is beneficial, not only for the woman, but of course also for the man. The prospects of this kind of approach are far-reaching, not only for sexuality, but for life as a whole. The sexual meeting is transformed from a 15-20 minute, routine session, into a contemplation of energies, a togetherness of bodies. Energies are building up and instead of releasing the erotic tension in an orgasm, it remains in the body, waiting for the next sexual meeting, in a process of continuous augmentation. Instead of sexual satiety and erotic hangover, one remains horny for more and this augmented energy eventually finds its channels for release, which by far exceeds the well-known and local orgasm. The whole body is now transformed into a space of sexual well-being and satisfaction.

However, it is not just the man who is at work. The woman must be willing to let go of her blockages and dare to meet the openness and vulnerability which naturally follows from being naked and defenseless in front of her love-partner. She must be prepared to love like she has never been hurt before.

Workshop begins

Alex is undoubtedly a charismatic personality. While telling about the magical potentials of the kundalini-power, he nearly dances around with snake-like movements. He really looks like someone who has saved up all his ejaculation-energy in a decade or more. Still a bit reluctant, I too was charmed by his energy, as he fervently described his theories. It is always healthy, I think, to be a little skeptical, when facing a convincing charismatic character, especially when it comes to spiritual matters. Now, however, the workshop part was to begin. In groups of five we were to work on each other, allowing each of us to experience being touched upon by eight hands simultaneously. The idea is, that by working on the parts of the body, where the energy is stagnant, it is possible to loosen up the blockages and unleash the energy that was previously sealed. You can call it a kind of collective, intuitive, hyper-acupressure for keen amateurs. In my group I was the first to receive the loving care.

Hands on - yes please!

It will be difficult with words to explain how great and wonderful an experience it was. First of all it felt like a safe place to be. Imagine for half an hour to be surrounded by four people, supporting you 100%. I was fortunate to have my wife in my group, and sharing this experience with her made it even better. In our group we created a space in which sensuality and touching became somehow impersonal, as I was lying with my eyes closed with all these hands working on my body. Some were massaging gently and in a healing manner, while others pressed firmly, especially at the back, stomach and chest. All the time I was in charge, as I could re-direct their hands and signal whether they should press harder or softer. It was all SO different from how we people normally spend time together, and so much closer to what I'm longing for, in everyday social life. Together we opened up for life, not in an intellectual conversation, but with our bodies. In this event a part of me was reborn. I felt save as a fetus in my mothers womb, while at the same time challenged by all the tensions being released in me, aroused by the liberated flow of energy in my body. Childish laughter, sorrow and anger rose, tears rolled down my cheeks, my hands trembling as if falling asleep, but just without sleeping.

Happy for a moment

When my turn was over I felt happy for a moment. This is so how I want it to be, it is stuff like this I want us people to be able to do together. We are capable of so much, but have created a culture in which we have reduced our spending time together to moving on polished surfaces, while all the unacknowledged psychological material is raging around inside, without us even knowing about it. But deep down this ocean of energy also lies all our potential for human fulfillment and spiritual realization. This evening this was themed as a collective process. A process we can share with each other and help each other with, while we grow - together - and explore who we really are, behind the restrictions and obstacles we culturally have build up around ourselves to prevent us from feeling what life really is. I am grateful to have experienced this evening and must say that Vartman certainly covered the whole spectrum, despite the withholding of ejaculation stuff. My skepticism in this matter was thus proven wrong; there was something for the finer and the coarse - something for the whole being.

More about Alex Vartman on you-tube